I am so impossibly lost right now. I don't know what to do, who to talk to. What's going on.


I went to a pet-sitting job for a few hours last night and stopped by the Easton Bonfire on my way home. I got to see some people I haven't seen in ages. Wished I could have talked to a few more but didn't get a chance to or they were busy with someone else.
I found one of my friends almost instantly walking in and went with both of them to find their other half and after a bit of that I started feeling very down. I don't know why....I guess it feels like everyone that I used to be good friends with has their own little circle and I'm waaaaaaaaaaaay out. Not saying it's how it is, but that's how I feel sometimes. I wandered away from the group eventually and found myself just feeling in a sense with no energy no will to really do anything I was just blanked out. No one really makes any effort to hang out anymore like they used to.

Another big part of that, which I did know was why I was feeling a little down to begin with is because my friend Morgan McGinnis was just found 2 days ago dead. She hung herself and of all people no one thought she'd be one to do it, all I kept thinking about today was how hard of a time her family must be having while I was out having a good time. It was so rough because she was so vibrant and happy last time I saw her, and now it's almost unreal to know I'll never see her again.

I have made friends in college, and had good times with them. But some friendships just can't be replaced, it never will feel the same, Stacy has her own group of Drexel friends now, and my friend Steph moved to South Carolina it's so hard and of course I have my best friend in Canada as well and that has always been awesome and has helped me through a lot. But certain friendships that have been broken I just miss so much.

I've hit a really rough spot and just have no clue how to pull myself out of it. I don't deal with loss very well at all.


Today went alright I guess I hung out with Lance for a little bit and went to dinner which was good. But I was still feeling just as down as I had been last night. I really hope I can find a way out of this. Even just spending some time with a friend would help tons someone who really cares.